See you soon

See you soon

Reflections on the new chapter of my life.

I have tried to give up thinking about it for too long, but the day has come: I am moving to Australia.

After two years of stabilization in Italy my life has changed monstrously and above all the person I am: I have seen myself literally change to an extreme level.

I had been waiting for this moment for years but you know, life is too unpredictable.

On the basis of this, this year I met a person who was able to turn my life upside down, introducing me to love and questioning my every life choice.

I thank her infinitely for that and taking such a step, for that very reason, once again proves to be the most difficult life choice I am about to face.

How much courage does it take to give everything up?

I was able to put aside the fear of losing my job, that was the easy part. Yet as I grow older, I understand more and more the value of deep connections. Of family, of friends, and now... of love.

If for years I believed I was ready again, now I feel like a little ant in the middle of the desert. 

I feel bewildered and confused, lost and alone. 

Where will all this take me?

My choice stems from a past that is now distant but which I remember with extreme vividness because I believe it is essential never to forget where one has come from.

The importance of taking charge of one's life

When I think back to Alex in the past, I see a little crumb ready to snap at any moment, afraid of the world and insecure to an extreme level. But then I said enough is enough.

I promised myself that I would do something to never feel that way again and I decided to start with the thing that scared me the most: going on a trip alone.

The first one, at seventeen, was short and terrified me so much but it also made me grow immensely.

I didn't stop: the following year I decided to go again, adding a degree of difficulty, and I ended up going on a two-week touring tour of the Balkans alone. 

I didn't think I could do it, yet I came back richer, happier and more open than before.

So I decided to continue making hard choices because as much as they terrified me, I could see my growth, finally, like never before.

The following year I left for the biggest and most terrifying life choice I could make: to move to Australia.

I was twenty years old and if I had been asked if I was ready for this I would no doubt have answered: absolutely not. 

I didn't know any English, I had never worked and I didn't have any qualifications.

I left terrified thinking that I might come back earlier than expected for fear of feeling “alone”... but in the end I came back after a year because of covid when I never wanted to leave.

Not only did I make it. I went beyond my expectations and saw a version of myself I never thought I would see in my life. All thanks to that small step I took at seventeen, it all started from there.

And now I feel the same

I am no longer afraid of the world and its pitfalls. 

I know English (language is no longer an issue). 

I have a profession in hand (which is that of a tennis instructor) and writing that I could exploit in so many ways... yet I am terrified.

I am shattered because I am leaving here a fragment of me. 

I am leaving here my greatest and deepest bonds and above all… love.

And while I have learned many things, I have not yet had to leave the woman I love fifteen thousand kilometers away, with the uncertainty of being able to see her again.

So what really are our limits?
What is really the courage required?

I wake up and sometimes everything seems a little darker.

But then I look back and think that if I had not had the courage to make all the difficult decisions I have made, I would have remained exactly where I started.

I would have remained that shy, insecure person, afraid of the world and without a shadow of a doubt I would not be who I am now, and I certainly would not have met this person.

The importance of looking on the bright side

The truth, then, is that it hurts, it destroys, but it is also true that I have to look at the colorful side of things and think that it is only thanks to my willingness to face difficulties and my greatest fears that I have got where I am now and I have no intention of stopping.

What gives me courage is to think that those who really care will stand by me despite the physical distance.

It won't be easy, but I want to put myself to the test once again because as my travels and life have taught me: easy choices lead to a difficult life. hard choices, will lead to an easier life.

And so I decide to jump in, once again.

I decide to open my arms and welcome everything, on this day where my emotions are endless. 

I do not want to close my eyes to them: I welcome them all from the most unpleasant to the most beautiful. I do not know who I will be, who I will become, who I will lose and who will remain.

“Take courage and take flight”

But you who are reading, you who have always been close to me: I would like you to know that I carry you with me.

Not in my luggage but in my heart and I will show you that wild land so far away with the light of my pupils. 

Being so far away with my body does not mean that I will be far from you, on the contrary. Precisely because of this I will feel the connection in an extremely powerful way.

Mine will always be a big “see you soon". 

To those who will have the patience to wait for me: I take a plunge into life and its pitfalls, only to return richer in values, experiences and life.

I will not forget you. Rather, I will love you even more.

See you soon, I love you.

Sincerely, your “adventurer”.

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